Thursday, December 30, 2004
Dropping like flies
They are! Everyone around me is being struck down with illness. It's because I didn't bring my lucky travelling hat with me. The first time I don't take it and everyone around me is cursed. I'll explain in a minute.
Wednesday night was a blast. Graham and Yeon Nam drank a bucket of gin and tonic and a few tequila shots while Hez and I had quickly popped next door for a sneaky mushroom shake and by the time we returned they were absolutely trolleyed. Taxi for two, pronto. Then Hez and I persuaded a strange Belgian called Uri to join us and have a large plate of mushrooms. Two hours later we found ourselves miraculously at our chalets, having spoken to all the dogs on the way and been mesmerised in countless supermarkets. We were, of course, speaking gibberish by this point, especially our Belgian companion, who had descended into occasional grunts and moans of "Whaa, you say, oh, hahahahaaaa." Strangely, as the evening progressed, he seemed to get less and less involved in the conversation.
Somewhere in the midst of this we stumbled across some bloke with an adorable puppy. Two joints later and Hez was the proud kidnapper of said puppy. She took it to bed with her. The Belgian wandered off into the night, muttering something about seriousness as he went. Never saw him again. Ditto for the camp fellow who brought the puppy. I'll never know who the owner was...
And so to Thursday. Woke up late (for some reason, no-one was able to rouse me at 9am. Weird) and sauntered into town, where I found Graham and Yeon Nam studying hard but alas no Hez. Apparently she wasn't feeling too good. So I went to my favourite bar again for a while.
Happy Daze. Everything you need.
It's a great view from the balcony there. I know it's blurry off in the distance but you can take my word for it, the water was crystal clear.
Anyway, after a short while there I decided to go back and check on my sickly partner in crime. She was really not well (turns out she has tonsilitis, poor thing). Then I found a note outside my door saying that Ben's dengue was getting bad so he was staying on a drip overnight in a clinic. So Graham, Hez, Yeon Nam and myself struggled along to dinner. What a washout. Hez couldn't even eat, let alone stay awake, so she shuffled off to bed after a few minutes. Then the drama started. Yeon Nam suddenly keeled over and played dead, which pretty much ruined the rest of dinner as far as I was concerned. Graham dutifully carried her off to the clinic, where they did a few tests and then shrugged. An explanation of "Could be epilepsy, could be lurgi, might be a bunion" sounded suitably worrying and non-specific for all parties concerned. Thus satisfied that the world was ending and it wasn't some minor psychosomatic melodrama, they went off to bed, leaving yours truly with no choice but to smoke a couple and then go watch a movie.
New Year's Eve approaches. I hope everyone's well for it. Tonsilitis, dengue, back spasms (Graham had them a couple of days ago) and possible epilepsy are not what you want afflicting your companions.
I knew I should have brought the lucky hat...
Wednesday night was a blast. Graham and Yeon Nam drank a bucket of gin and tonic and a few tequila shots while Hez and I had quickly popped next door for a sneaky mushroom shake and by the time we returned they were absolutely trolleyed. Taxi for two, pronto. Then Hez and I persuaded a strange Belgian called Uri to join us and have a large plate of mushrooms. Two hours later we found ourselves miraculously at our chalets, having spoken to all the dogs on the way and been mesmerised in countless supermarkets. We were, of course, speaking gibberish by this point, especially our Belgian companion, who had descended into occasional grunts and moans of "Whaa, you say, oh, hahahahaaaa." Strangely, as the evening progressed, he seemed to get less and less involved in the conversation.
Somewhere in the midst of this we stumbled across some bloke with an adorable puppy. Two joints later and Hez was the proud kidnapper of said puppy. She took it to bed with her. The Belgian wandered off into the night, muttering something about seriousness as he went. Never saw him again. Ditto for the camp fellow who brought the puppy. I'll never know who the owner was...
And so to Thursday. Woke up late (for some reason, no-one was able to rouse me at 9am. Weird) and sauntered into town, where I found Graham and Yeon Nam studying hard but alas no Hez. Apparently she wasn't feeling too good. So I went to my favourite bar again for a while.
Happy Daze. Everything you need.
It's a great view from the balcony there. I know it's blurry off in the distance but you can take my word for it, the water was crystal clear.
Anyway, after a short while there I decided to go back and check on my sickly partner in crime. She was really not well (turns out she has tonsilitis, poor thing). Then I found a note outside my door saying that Ben's dengue was getting bad so he was staying on a drip overnight in a clinic. So Graham, Hez, Yeon Nam and myself struggled along to dinner. What a washout. Hez couldn't even eat, let alone stay awake, so she shuffled off to bed after a few minutes. Then the drama started. Yeon Nam suddenly keeled over and played dead, which pretty much ruined the rest of dinner as far as I was concerned. Graham dutifully carried her off to the clinic, where they did a few tests and then shrugged. An explanation of "Could be epilepsy, could be lurgi, might be a bunion" sounded suitably worrying and non-specific for all parties concerned. Thus satisfied that the world was ending and it wasn't some minor psychosomatic melodrama, they went off to bed, leaving yours truly with no choice but to smoke a couple and then go watch a movie.
New Year's Eve approaches. I hope everyone's well for it. Tonsilitis, dengue, back spasms (Graham had them a couple of days ago) and possible epilepsy are not what you want afflicting your companions.
I knew I should have brought the lucky hat...
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
A Very Close Shave...
So I found out about this tsunami that's swept across Southeast Asia. With one or two exceptions everyone I know's accounted for, thankfully. Death toll's rising with every news flash. Funny how I can be so close to such a catastrophe and not be aware of it at all.
All I can say is the news really put a downer on my otherwise delicious breakfast. Today was a chillout day, and so we sauntered in to town where Jo showed me the greatest bar in the world, Happy Daze. You can get anything you want there. And I mean anything. Two grass shakes coming up! And Hez and I then spent the next 10 hours stumbling around in a bit of a state. We ate, lay down, swam, ate, watched GI Joe cartoons (if you haven't already seen them, then click here - it's funny), and generally laughed a lot.
By the time we'd recovered, we were drunk and ready for bed. Everyone else has a dive course starting tomorrow...
All I can say is the news really put a downer on my otherwise delicious breakfast. Today was a chillout day, and so we sauntered in to town where Jo showed me the greatest bar in the world, Happy Daze. You can get anything you want there. And I mean anything. Two grass shakes coming up! And Hez and I then spent the next 10 hours stumbling around in a bit of a state. We ate, lay down, swam, ate, watched GI Joe cartoons (if you haven't already seen them, then click here - it's funny), and generally laughed a lot.
By the time we'd recovered, we were drunk and ready for bed. Everyone else has a dive course starting tomorrow...
Monday, December 27, 2004
Full Moon Party
A quick flight south, a crowded boat ride, more GI Joe quotes to keep Hez and I amused, and finally Ko Pha Ngan, home of the party. Of course, we were all tired and fed up, but 2 of us were buzzing for the party. Alas Yeon Nam wasn't really wanting any of it, so we had to find a hotel for her. A little difficult, considering that the travel agents were saying there wasn't a single room on the whole island. Finally after a couple of futile hours of searching a room was found, which the owner helpfully pointed out as being near the 7-11, even though it was actually behind his house. So Hez and I sat forlornly outside the shop wondering where the hell Yeon Nam's bloody room was.
Where's the bloody hotel?
After a beer and a cigarette, they found us and guided us to the room so we could all finally drop our bags and have a shower. Washed and groomed, Hez and I went straight down to the beach for a mushy shake or two.
Which became three.
Then we wandered round the beach in a mess.
Then more shakes.
At some point we lost track of each other, but I had a few more shakes and buckets and beers. I acquired some balls and remember getting some Japanese people incredibly drunk. I think my shake tally for the evening was eight, but it all gets blurry after a while.
We finally had a reunion back at the room and attempted to piece together our comings and goings at the party, which was futile. We had lots of blanks in our memories.
So we finally got our stuff together and went down to the pier to get a ferry over to Ko Tao. Alas the boats had all gone, so we had a nice relaxed lunch while those of us who were able to think properly worked out what to do.
So there we are, no hotel, the boats are all gone. Nothing but pina coladas. And then muggins here made a suggestion that he would regret. We could hire a boat to take us! Lo and behold, they had a sad little puttering longtail boat that could take us across as soon as we were ready.
Everyone else was nice and chirpy, finding lovely positions on the boat which were nice and sheltered. I got the short straw and was put in the "wet spot". 3 hours later I was soaking, shivering and ready to cry. Not a good way to come down off the excesses of a full moon party. I also appeared to be the only one suffering as well. Graham and Yeon Nam were disgustingly chipper.
Too dry. Too chirpy.
Far too happy
This is not the sort of cheerfulness that a hungover man in a rickety fishing boat wants to face. Especially when he's saturated.
At last we finally puttered slowly in to Ko Tao and then set about the saga of finding Ben and Jo. We tracked down his dive shop and tried to call him (in the meantime Hez an I decided to have a bucket while we waited. The day had been too long).
Ben and Jo were, are, and always will be, legends. They found us rooms and sorted us out. And all the time Ben was crippled with dengue, but he still went forth and hunted for accommodation. Medals have been given for lesser deeds. A shower, some dinner and some more booze.
Then drunkenly to the beach for a late night swim, which lasted 20 seconds until Hez came bounding out of the water wailing in agony as she'd just put her hand on a sea urchin (although through a sea urchin might be a better term). So we had to find a hospital. Very hard in the middle of the night, but a pancake vendor was very helpful and summoned an injured nurse out of bed to limp to our aid. When you see a woman emerge from the shadows hobbling then you don't instantly think that this is the person who can cure you of your ills in the wee hours. But cure she did, and Hez could finally get herself to bed.
Thankfully we've all agreed to chill out tomorrow. I need that.
Where's the bloody hotel?
After a beer and a cigarette, they found us and guided us to the room so we could all finally drop our bags and have a shower. Washed and groomed, Hez and I went straight down to the beach for a mushy shake or two.
Which became three.
Then we wandered round the beach in a mess.
Then more shakes.
At some point we lost track of each other, but I had a few more shakes and buckets and beers. I acquired some balls and remember getting some Japanese people incredibly drunk. I think my shake tally for the evening was eight, but it all gets blurry after a while.
We finally had a reunion back at the room and attempted to piece together our comings and goings at the party, which was futile. We had lots of blanks in our memories.
So we finally got our stuff together and went down to the pier to get a ferry over to Ko Tao. Alas the boats had all gone, so we had a nice relaxed lunch while those of us who were able to think properly worked out what to do.
So there we are, no hotel, the boats are all gone. Nothing but pina coladas. And then muggins here made a suggestion that he would regret. We could hire a boat to take us! Lo and behold, they had a sad little puttering longtail boat that could take us across as soon as we were ready.
Everyone else was nice and chirpy, finding lovely positions on the boat which were nice and sheltered. I got the short straw and was put in the "wet spot". 3 hours later I was soaking, shivering and ready to cry. Not a good way to come down off the excesses of a full moon party. I also appeared to be the only one suffering as well. Graham and Yeon Nam were disgustingly chipper.
Too dry. Too chirpy.
Far too happy
This is not the sort of cheerfulness that a hungover man in a rickety fishing boat wants to face. Especially when he's saturated.
At last we finally puttered slowly in to Ko Tao and then set about the saga of finding Ben and Jo. We tracked down his dive shop and tried to call him (in the meantime Hez an I decided to have a bucket while we waited. The day had been too long).
Ben and Jo were, are, and always will be, legends. They found us rooms and sorted us out. And all the time Ben was crippled with dengue, but he still went forth and hunted for accommodation. Medals have been given for lesser deeds. A shower, some dinner and some more booze.
Then drunkenly to the beach for a late night swim, which lasted 20 seconds until Hez came bounding out of the water wailing in agony as she'd just put her hand on a sea urchin (although through a sea urchin might be a better term). So we had to find a hospital. Very hard in the middle of the night, but a pancake vendor was very helpful and summoned an injured nurse out of bed to limp to our aid. When you see a woman emerge from the shadows hobbling then you don't instantly think that this is the person who can cure you of your ills in the wee hours. But cure she did, and Hez could finally get herself to bed.
Thankfully we've all agreed to chill out tomorrow. I need that.
Saturday, December 25, 2004
A Close Shave
So Christmas Eve turned out strange. A handful of us decided to have a few celebratory drinks and were joined by a Korean man called, um, let's call him Bert (dammit, why do Koreans have names that won't stick in the mind?). Anyhow I became the focus of his Yuletide attentions to a very uncomfortable degree. Finally he managed to annoy everyone else in the bar as well so he got asked to leave. A few minutes later he marches back in to inform me that I was "narrow-minded", then stumbles out. Sorry, but my ideal Christmas does not entail being hit on by gay Koreans.
Needless to say I needed a couple more drinks after that. Then a couple more. Then bed.
Woke up at 11.30, which was 2 hours after my bus had left. Oh bum oh bum oh bum oh bum! I quickly phoned Hez, who was worried sick and had already arrived in Seoul. We had a quick watch check and realised that I might not make it. I packed in 2 minutes and was on the 11.40 bus to Seoul, praying the bus driver would drive like a lunatic, which he did.
He loved driving, this guy. Don't get me wrong, the bus was flying at quite a rate. It just went everywhere. He was driving for the sheer joy of it. It took 4 hours on an empty road to get there. I think he just wanted us to appreciate the mountains.
So to the bus terminal in Seoul. Quick update: Hez, Graham and Yeon Nam were at the airport and I had an hour and half to get on the plane. Plus the only traffic jam in Korea had decided to take place at the bus terminal. Step forward the greatest taxi driver on Earth. Now he drove fast. And no detours to see the pretty bloody mountains. Got me to the airport in 35 minutes, which could well be a record.
MADE IT!!
So us happy campers piled on to the plane where Hez and I managed to irritate all around us by quoting GI Joe cartoons (if you've seen them, you know they're funny. If you don't think they're funny it means you're adopted). We would have done it all the way to Bangkok but we decided to take some sleeping pills for fun while we were waiting in Taipei. Just wanted to see how long we could stay awake for.
Finally we were in Bangkok. So we found a place for the night and crashed.
A long day, and it really didn't feel like Christmas.
Needless to say I needed a couple more drinks after that. Then a couple more. Then bed.
Woke up at 11.30, which was 2 hours after my bus had left. Oh bum oh bum oh bum oh bum! I quickly phoned Hez, who was worried sick and had already arrived in Seoul. We had a quick watch check and realised that I might not make it. I packed in 2 minutes and was on the 11.40 bus to Seoul, praying the bus driver would drive like a lunatic, which he did.
He loved driving, this guy. Don't get me wrong, the bus was flying at quite a rate. It just went everywhere. He was driving for the sheer joy of it. It took 4 hours on an empty road to get there. I think he just wanted us to appreciate the mountains.
So to the bus terminal in Seoul. Quick update: Hez, Graham and Yeon Nam were at the airport and I had an hour and half to get on the plane. Plus the only traffic jam in Korea had decided to take place at the bus terminal. Step forward the greatest taxi driver on Earth. Now he drove fast. And no detours to see the pretty bloody mountains. Got me to the airport in 35 minutes, which could well be a record.
MADE IT!!
So us happy campers piled on to the plane where Hez and I managed to irritate all around us by quoting GI Joe cartoons (if you've seen them, you know they're funny. If you don't think they're funny it means you're adopted). We would have done it all the way to Bangkok but we decided to take some sleeping pills for fun while we were waiting in Taipei. Just wanted to see how long we could stay awake for.
Finally we were in Bangkok. So we found a place for the night and crashed.
A long day, and it really didn't feel like Christmas.
Thursday, December 23, 2004
Two...
Okay, so I skipped three on the countdown, but it was a staff dinner party last night and the soju was flowing like water. I'm knackered, plus I have to go into work early and dress up as Santa Claus.
Oh well, after tomorrow it's all about lying on a beach. Yes indeed.
I'm finally starting to feel festive!
Oh well, after tomorrow it's all about lying on a beach. Yes indeed.
I'm finally starting to feel festive!
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
Four...
The countdown titles are pathetic, but I'm trying my best to get excited about the holidays. Just don't seem to have it in me. So it's a half-hearted attempt to inject some suspense into the run-up to Christmas.
Brain no work so good today. What was initially a brief social drink with Debbie and Heather last night at Tara's (the coolest bar in, well, the universe, to be quite frank), ended up lasting till 5am. Heather helpfully reminded me of the time (and her level of inebriation) by transporting some stir-fried pork from our plate to the outer wall of the Shack. Unfortunately we weren't on ground level so poor old Roy's going to have a hell of a time cleaning up.
Roy's Korean, but he wears tinted glasses and gels his hair, which leaves him looking uncannily similar to Roy Orbison. He doesn't know his name is Roy, and he just thinks we're crazy waeguks because every time he comes to take our order we sing "Pretty Woman". Actually haven't seen him at the Shack recently, so it may be Elspeth or Brenda who has to clean the wall.
It's in these little ways that I amuse myself in Korea. I should feel guilty about mocking others when they don't understand me, but I've picked up enough Korea to understand a bit about what some of the Koreans say about us foreigners. And it's not very nice sometimes.
Brain no work so good today. What was initially a brief social drink with Debbie and Heather last night at Tara's (the coolest bar in, well, the universe, to be quite frank), ended up lasting till 5am. Heather helpfully reminded me of the time (and her level of inebriation) by transporting some stir-fried pork from our plate to the outer wall of the Shack. Unfortunately we weren't on ground level so poor old Roy's going to have a hell of a time cleaning up.
Roy's Korean, but he wears tinted glasses and gels his hair, which leaves him looking uncannily similar to Roy Orbison. He doesn't know his name is Roy, and he just thinks we're crazy waeguks because every time he comes to take our order we sing "Pretty Woman". Actually haven't seen him at the Shack recently, so it may be Elspeth or Brenda who has to clean the wall.
It's in these little ways that I amuse myself in Korea. I should feel guilty about mocking others when they don't understand me, but I've picked up enough Korea to understand a bit about what some of the Koreans say about us foreigners. And it's not very nice sometimes.
Monday, December 20, 2004
Five days left...
Looks like I'm not so hot at keeping this regularly updated. Hmm ... must be something to do with the fact that I'm a lazy bugger.
So we're into the final week before Christmas. The kids are about to spontaneously combust due to overexcitement, although I may have played a part in building it up a little. It's not often the kids get to hang out with the Son of Santa. I really hope all the parents celebrate Christmas (or at least give presents) otherwise some kid's going to hate me till their last breath. Not to mention the vitriol that could be directed at my father. So come on, Korean parents. Come through with the goods or I'm going to have some explaining to do.
That's all irrelevant really. Far more important is the fact that I'm off to Thailand on Christmas Day. Full Moon Party and then over to see Ben and Jo (former sanity-saving Sokcho superstars) who've landed on their feet - he's a diving instructor on Ko Tao. Bastard.
So anyhow I'll get to sample some of the delights, and hopefully go to some places that the tourists don't know about. Tourists in Thailand are the reason I haven't raced back there recently. Nothing ruins a Thai holiday than the sight of sweaty western middle-aged men walking around with 10-year-old boys. An image that unfortunately I can't shake out of my head. Needless to say, I'm not going to set foot anywhere near Pattaya this time. Seedier than a bag of grapes, that town. Personally, I'm all about getting away from it all and having a funny shake...
Full Moon Party, here we come!
So we're into the final week before Christmas. The kids are about to spontaneously combust due to overexcitement, although I may have played a part in building it up a little. It's not often the kids get to hang out with the Son of Santa. I really hope all the parents celebrate Christmas (or at least give presents) otherwise some kid's going to hate me till their last breath. Not to mention the vitriol that could be directed at my father. So come on, Korean parents. Come through with the goods or I'm going to have some explaining to do.
That's all irrelevant really. Far more important is the fact that I'm off to Thailand on Christmas Day. Full Moon Party and then over to see Ben and Jo (former sanity-saving Sokcho superstars) who've landed on their feet - he's a diving instructor on Ko Tao. Bastard.
So anyhow I'll get to sample some of the delights, and hopefully go to some places that the tourists don't know about. Tourists in Thailand are the reason I haven't raced back there recently. Nothing ruins a Thai holiday than the sight of sweaty western middle-aged men walking around with 10-year-old boys. An image that unfortunately I can't shake out of my head. Needless to say, I'm not going to set foot anywhere near Pattaya this time. Seedier than a bag of grapes, that town. Personally, I'm all about getting away from it all and having a funny shake...
Full Moon Party, here we come!
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
'Tis the Season
Gifts for Santa from the children to date:
- 1 kilo of hastily folded paper that looks like it was salvaged from the bin.
- 2 rubber pencil grip thingies
- a paper flower. This ought to qualify in the first category, but it stands out as having had a wee bit more time and effort put into it. Also, it actually looks like something.
- 10 snowflakes (those ones where you fold the paper and viciously attack it with scissors hoping that it'll hold together when you unfold it)
- 3 elastic bands (one broken)
- a blob of play-dough
- a dead fly
A dead fly. If I was Santa (and the kids believe I'll be inheriting that title from my father in a few years time) I would shit in their stockings.
Enough. The Yuletide season is upon us, and hopefully I'll have a flight to Thailand on Christmas Day sorted out by next week. Plus it's warmed up a wee bit again.
Also, this weekend saw the brief return of Ash, the all-dancing, all-drinking daddy of Sokcho. Sadly he's based over near Seoul but it was good to see him again. There aren't enough drinkers in this town for my liking, so the prospect of the occasional visit from Ash makes my heart leap with joy and my liver writhe in agony. You have to respect a man who can keep drinking long after the sun has risen.
